Defeating Feelings of Defeat

From theoldschoolhousemagazine.com


Last week we met Dianna, a homeschool mom diagnosed with a severe panic disorder. As Dianna homeschools her four young children, she also faces feelings of defeat and inability at this daunting job.

She wrote to ask for advice and encouragement for her homeschooling journey. She knew that there were other homeschool moms who also faced chronic illness and had advice to offer.

In response to Dianna's call for help, we received some wonderful letters reminding us of what God has promised.

"God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love."


Dear Dianna,

I have struggled with panic disorder my entire life. It took various forms for me as a child, teenager, and at different stages in my adult life. When it was finally diagnosed in 1995, my daughter was in first grade at public school and my son was a toddler at home. My children are now 16 and 20.
When I look back on those earlier years, I can totally relate to your experience. There are times when this condition is so debilitating and other times when I hardly know I have it. I know I will have to manage it the rest of my life.When I took it before the Lord, I asked for answers--and did I ever get answers! I asked for help with my son that had a disability and for my spirited, gifted daughter.

The most important thing to remember is that your children won't be young forever. Those years are gone in a flash (and I mean that), so appreciate every day as it comes--both the good ones and the bad. It is also important that you take care of yourself--don't over-schedule your children and don't over-extend yourself. It always helps me to write down my next day's to-do list before I go to bed every night. That way, I don't lie awake worrying, which contributes to my panic during the day. As my children got more and more independent, I was able to add in more volunteering, outside activities, etc. I now pray about every "opportunity" before I make a commitment. If someone (even the kids) asks for something, I always say "maybe" and give them my answer after I have pondered it for a while.

Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel,
Kathy



Dear Dianna,

I have had some problems on and off over the years. The first time was about six years ago. I had only a toddler at the time, but it was hard to get off of the couch because of lack of energy and my health problems. Six years later, I have a 7-year-old homeschooler and a preschooler. I suffered from panic attacks after suffering from a miscarriage. I couldn't do much on some days.

A benefit of homeschooling is that your children learn real life lessons that they would never be able to get in a school setting. I had to be very honest with my 7-year-old and tell her that I was having problems. At first it was just because of mourning. I would break down crying all the time. Then when I realized it was more than just mourning--my mind was just a fog, and I couldn't function very well--I soon sought help. It has been a great lesson to my daughter on grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience, and much more. She can't learn real life at school like she is learning at home. She is learning about God's goodness despite earthly trials. We rejoice together on good days, and she sees her mother's humility when I get in my moods and need to ask her for forgiveness. I have seen her mature so much this year despite all the problems my family has had this year (there has been more than just my health issues to deal with this year). Remind yourself often that school is not just reading, writing, and arithmetic.

A homeschool mom,
Dana


Dear Dianna,

I am also battling a chronic illness while homeschooling, and there are days that it becomes very challenging. I, too, worry about ruining my child. But God has commissioned us to teach these precious children of ours, and He will not allow us to ruin them as long as we remain obedient to Him and His Word. Here are a few verses that I found on fear for you. I hope they encourage you as they do me.

"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4
"I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Psalm 23:4
"Thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee." Isaiah 54:14
"Be careful (anxious) for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
"I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
"So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." Hebrews 13:6
" Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." Deuteronomy 31:6

And here are a few on peace thrown in for good measure:

" The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace." Psalm 29:11
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27
"Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all." 2 Thessalonians 3:16
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7 (I know this one I wrote under "fear" but it bears repeating)

Keep on praying; keep on loving those little ones; keep on doing what you are doing, and don't give up. God is a rewarder of those who love Him and keep His commands. Just think of the reward awaiting you at the end. You are doing an amazing job, and as a homeschool mom, I know how hard it is (and I have only one. I can't imagine four!). Worry for nothing . . . especially what tomorrow will bring . . . for tomorrow will have enough worries of its own. Remember, God loves you and He will not leave you nor forsake you, and He has an amazing plan for you and your little ones.

Love from one homeschool mom to another,
Dawn



I have a chronic health problem, and I just take it day by day. It is hard and not always easy. My children are 10, 7, and 5. It is hard some days. I am in pain every day and have trouble going through my days, but God wants me at home to teach my children. On really bad days, I either teach while sitting or give them an easy day that doesn't require as much. You can do it as I have; just try every day and try not to be sad. You can only do so much. I hope that this helps you. Just do your best and just remember why you started homeschooling in the first place. I am using a unit work so that I can teach all of them at the same time for the most part. God bless you through this time. ~Jennifer


One thing that might help Dianna is to get a mentor! I mentored a mother of four who has a similar illness to mine, and it really helped her to get the rest she needed and still homeschool. I would take the younger kids to work on hands-on projects while she worked with the older ones or vice-versa. When she was at her weakest . . . during the winter months . . . I'd occasionally even have the kids overnight.
~Dori

Hi Dianna, I just wanted to let you know that I also suffer from anxiety/panic attacks/depression. I have suffered for several years as well and can understand how wiped out you feel. I have not recovered completely, but I have sought all forms of help as I am sure you have, too. It is so difficult to function when you are feeling so bad. I encourage you to keep doing the best you can and don't give up. I also have worried about this condition affecting my children in a bad way. But I have come to realize that God made me to be the mom of my kids and He made me to have this problem for a reason as well. He has called us to homeschool our children and He is with us every minute so cling to him and do what you can to make healthy changes in your life. That is all we can do. Just know I am suffering along side of you. I pray for your healing.
~Melanie

Panic disorders are very hard to deal with. I have fibromyalgia, and with it I suffer panic attacks, chronic back pain, and on I could go. But I have learned that Satan is the deceiver. He speaks those negative words in our heads. I have felt I am ruining my daughter; I am a terrible mom, wife, and everything. But, God! He knows how we feel; He is there. I have had the panic attacks probably as long as you have. My verse now is to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. When I start panic attacks, which can come any time and at least suspecting times, I have to speak Scripture to myself. My husband is wonderful in that he tells me not to worry; this is just the panic attack. One of my previous ministers at church told me "Don't answer the phone when it starts." They never have gone away, however, when they do come, most of the time now they are easier to deal with. When God has called us to homeschool, our children will not be hindered by it. He is the one that is in charge; He knows what is best. He would never ask you to do anything that would hurt your children. He loves them more than you do. He wants the very best for them; that is why He gave them you.
~Nancy

Tips for Chronically Ill Homeschool Moms

Every week, The Oldschool House magazine does a Minute to Minute email where other homeschool mom's answer a question posed by a homeschool mom. This week, they had tips for homeschooling with chronical illness. This was an encouragement to me since I basically have to do that with my PMDD the way it currently is. Thought I'd share the answers with others.


Lessons From The Couch
Dear Vicki,

I have been living with a chronic illness for the past 25 years. I just started homeschooling this year and face the issue of not being able to get up and work with my son at least once a week. A long time ago I came to the realization that some days things just don't get done, and if I stress over this fact, then everyone suffers. I also know that my faith and prayer help me to get through each day and have helped me to rethink my priorities and focus on what is really important. The dishes will still be there tomorrow, but you can't get back missed opportunities to teach your children true life lessons.

I'm lucky to have a laptop and wireless service in my home which makes things a lot easier. I get the lap desk, the laptop, and all of his books, and we curl up on the couch. I let my son snuggle up to me as we go through the lessons; then when he needs to do written work, he just scoots over and does it. I always print out the week's schedule so that I know what lessons need to be done that week, because there are days when I can't do anything, including my son's lessons. With the week's schedule in hand, I can add the missed lessons into the remaining lessons for that week, and this keeps us from falling behind. I also work with my son on the weekend to catch up if need be.

On those days when teaching is out, I have my son "play" games on the computer that teach math, reading, etc. I also make sure he does his reading for that day. We will either read together or he will read to me and then he will spend time reading a book or magazine article of his choice. I hope my experiences will help you get through the coming months. I will also be praying for you and your family.

A chronically ill homeschool mom,
Lynn

Learning Through Playing
Dear Vicki,

I have homeschooled for years with chronic back pain. I never had the need of surgery as God gave me relief through upper cervical (spine) care and massage. So the pain has been bearable but it has been on and off all these years.

For us, that meant that "school" took place wherever I was most comfortable at the time. We rarely sat in desks or did all the traditional work, but we had many, many hours of family reading and school in all rooms of the house. I found that my children kept learning, even when I was unable to supervise their every activity. We have a home full of learning resources, and I am convinced that kids will explore whatever we make available to them. We cannot keep them from learning.

My number-one recommendation is to fill your home with good books, encyclopedias, learning games, etc. They will learn while they play.

I am sure you are already involving them in household activities, but remember that some of the best learning takes place in the home, doing household cleaning and chores. Teaching them to do life skills, and encouraging them to do them regularly will help them throughout their lives.

I commend you for looking for ways to continue in spite of your pain. I know God will bless you!God bless you,
Ladonna

From the Experienced . . .
I have had several surgeries and suffer with severe back pain constantly. I currently homeschool two, 12-year-olds (one is adopted and has only been here two years) and a 6-year-old. I want to encourage you that schooling from the bed (or couch, often in my case) can be great. There are times I get really down, but often the kids don't notice. We use a literature-based curriculum and have a blast reading books and playing games. I think my kids will be better off as young adults having helped and served the family in the many ways they do. They still have friends over and sleepovers and play. As your kids are old enough, they can learn to cook and bake, just make it fun and easy--let them experiment and be super silly. Your attitude will define the home. Yes, it's really hard on those extra painful days (like today), but they can laugh when you laugh and cry when you cry. My 6-year-old is always bringing me stuffed animals and making me cards to help mommy feel better. It's so sweet. I will pray for you to heal and to be strengthened in the meantime. ~Lisa

I suffer from frequent migraine headaches. This makes functioning, much lesshomeschooling, difficult. What I do to get through the migraine days is prepare for the week with a file-folder basket with daily folders for each child. I have two boys, 7 and 9 years old. Each week, I will prepare their daily assignment sheet with their math and grammar assignments and put their worksheets for the day in that day's folder. If I have a migraine, they will do their math and grammar on their own, the best they can, helping each other, and I will check their worksheets when I am feeling better. We do unit studies for science and history, so I will have them read to me either while I'm in the bed or on the couch, and we'll do our activity the next day when I feel better. When I have a migraine, they play online math games, play store, do Mad Libs (great for reinforcing parts of speech and spelling), play board games such as Junior Monopoly, and of course their "free reading." They can make their own lunch and wash their dishes and understand that they need to be quiet while Mommy recovers. These are important "life lessons" that they could never learn if they went to public school. Best wishes on your upcoming surgery! ~BethI have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and homeschool a 7- and 5-year-old with a toddler underfoot. Most days I'm not sure how I'm doing it, but I've definitely learned to believe in God's daily grace! Your children are older so I'm not sure what help I'll be but, for what it's worth, I would suggest three things: 1) Re-define "normal" for you and your family. Try not to compare yourself with other homeschool families or even with yourself. Thinking about what "should be" normal or what "could be" normal isn't helpful. Just figure out what works for you now, in this present season, and let that be your "normal." 2) Partialize everything. That means taking larger tasks and breaking them down into bits and pieces so that they're manageable and you actually have success. This includes homeschooling tasks as well as home keeping chores. 3) Delegate whenever possible. In fact, if you have the means or can move your budget around a bit, get someone to come in and do some cleaning for you--or some other chore--even if it's just a bath/kitchen clean once a month or something. Blessings to you and your family! ~McHugh