Family Integrated Church—Training Children to Sit Still

She was 4 years old here.

When mija was about 3 years old, the Lord brought us to a family integrated church. We hadn't purposely sought one out. We just found a great preaching church and stayed there. We knew the kids stayed in service, but we thought it was more because of space limitations than a purposeful philosophy.

Well, then mija turned 4 years old and that is the point of no return. No more nursery. You are in the service now. For those who had been around, many had started training their children early sometimes not even using the nursery.

We on the other hand, were not prepared and boy was it work!!

I wish I had found Lorrie Flem’s e-book Training Children toSit Still back then. It assures me that yes, it is work, but would have given more ideas on how to make it work!

What was also a blessing to me was her story about why they started having their children in service. It wasn't for a religious reason either, but now, she can see a Biblical reason for doing so.

She starts with babies, moves into talking about toddlers, and then mentions a few ideas for keeping older children on task. I think she's right on because I see a lot of the moms in our church applying similar principles.

So, if you would like some help with the hows and learn so whys of Training Children to Sit Still I recommend checking out Lorrie Flem's e-book.

I was given a free copy of the e-book in exchange for my honest review.

Celebration of Life

Our Saturday was quite full. Mija's day was full of ballet practice because The Nutcracker is only two weeks off. My hubby and I had a full day of travel and celebrating life.

We had a friend die of lung cancer a few weeks ago, and the Celebration of Life service was scheduled for this past Saturday. Many may call it a memorial service and there is nothing wrong with that. They chose to call it the Celebration of Life because they wanted to celebrate Frank's life and the life he had in Jesus Christ.


As we were driving the three hours to get to the service, I considered what I would say about Frank if I shared. I realized I had three F's about Frank.

Fun--Whatever Frank was, he was a hoot. I can't remember a time when he didn't give me a hard time. Sledding on snow with inner-tubes. Hillbilly. Games. Loud. Never a dull moment.

Family--Even blessed with a second family to raise. The thing is not only his family was his family. Anyone he came into contact with became his family. Even this woman whether single or married. Never felt like and intrusion in their home. Always went out of the way if a "family" member needed help including changing a tie rod in an unheated garage during temperatures in the teens about an hour away from his home.

Faith--You always knew where Frank stood with God. His study and life-walk made him insightful. Encouraging in others walks and evangelizing those he came into contact with. He was so encouraging and supportive when my hubby and I were on deputation for the mission field.  

I didn't share at the service, but what was so cool was that everyone who did share dealt with the same three topics. Silly grandpa, crazy Uncle Frank, hillbilly. Not taking a job with NASA because he didn't want to move away from  family. A son who's family now fosters because of the example his father set in including everyone in his family. A man who wrestled with God and recognized and was thankful that God won. A man who enjoyed the captive audience he had on the 2 1/2 hour bus ride to get his chemo treatments. He spent that time sharing the gospel. 

Over and over, the same three facets shone through his life. How cool is that? To be so real in who you are that everyone sees the same things in your life? No masks or roles. Just real.

And I wonder if among the things I'm remembered will be fun, family, and faith? What a blessing.

Definitely want my life and especially my Lord to be celebrated when I graduate! I still think I want to have a deejay and dance floor though.

Blessed that I could celebrate Frank's life and Lord on Saturday.

Mija is the word

A number of people have asked me recently why I call my daughter "mija" on my blog and what it means. I thought I'd take a moment to share.

First the why. Early in my blog, I referred to my daughter by name, but then I learned from other bloggers that there could be dangers or privacy issues. Strangers would know my daughter's name and could use it. While it wouldn't be an issue most of the time, it only takes one kook to cause trouble.

Now, on to "mija".  Mija is pronounced ME-HA.  It's a Spanish abbreviation for "my daughter." And since I am discussing my daughter, and I have a Mexican heritage, I use "mija." 

What's really funny is that mija is about an eighth Mexican, so really funny seeing this little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl talk about being Mexican!

Oh, and sometimes you'll see me refer to "abuelita." "Abuelita" means "grandma" in Spanish. That's what mija calls my mom!

Abuelita, mija, y una prima (and a cousin)

There is your Spanish lesson for the day!

Sunday Worship Notes for kids in church

We attend a family integrated church, so mija has been sitting in the service since she turned four years old. Many families start before then.

I won't go in depth for the reasoning of family integration, but here's some basics. It just means that the family is recognized as the main source of evangelism and discipleship for our children. We know what our children are learning because they are right there with us. Having families together in the service has worked for millennia, why wouldn't it work now? Our church isn't as dogmatic as some since we do have separate Sunday school classes and offer AWANA, but the philosophy is that of being a support to the parents not the source for the children. We have really come to appreciate it. Mija thinks Pastor Tim is the best pastor in the whole world!

I'm always looking for ways to encourage her active participation during the service. She was very excited when I presented her with this worship note for kiddos I found!

Here is what her paper looked like from Sunday. 

The Tigger sticker was her addition! The only thing she didn't like was the squares for song numbers. Since we don't use hymnals, she thought they were wasted space! All in all, I don't think she did a bad job. Can you tell the message was about praying? ;-)

If your children are in the service, what do you do to help them focus and learn? Is there anything you would change or add to this worship note if you were to make it?
I'd love to hear idea!

Toasting Jalapeno Peppers--The way I was taught

First, it really bothers me that I don't know how to put an ~ over the "n" in jalapeno.  I just wanted to let you know that I really do know how to spell it. 

Second, I want to admit that bugs me to no end when people pronounce it wrong. It's not "j"alapeno with a "j" sound, and it's not jalap-ee-no with a long "e" sound. The "ja" says an "h" sound and the "e" says a strong short "e" almost a long "a" sound.  The "n" with the squiggly line says "nyo". 


Now that I've either enlightened or alienated everyone, I'll get on with the toasting of the peppers!

My grandfather was from Mexico. His mother (my great-grandmother) taught my "gringa" grandma how to cook "Mexican", so she knew her son would be fed correctly. (These are the same grandparents I wrote about for Valentine's Day this year.)

Well, my grandma is the one who taught me!

When she taught me, we had a gas stove, and she used her "placa" or plate to lay the peppers on. I still have the placa but it's packed and wouldn't have worked on the electric stove.  I do have to tell you about the placa I have! 

You see that round burner cover on this antique stove? That is what my placa is like! My grandmother saved the burner cover from one of her old stoves because it worked so well to toast peppers and cook tortillas!!

Well, I wanted to toast these peppers to keep in the freezer, so I put them on the electric burner. My cousin (who is more Mexican than I am) let me know I could have put them in a pan since it's an electric stove. I probably will next time, but old habits die hard.

WARNING: Do not touch any orifice on your body while doing this!!! Wash hands very thoroughly after. You may also want to us the exhaust fan.

So, I washed and dried the pepper and then put them on the burner like this.

If you notice, the peppers start to sweat when on the burner...wouldn't you?

In fact, don't be surprised if they do a little dance!!

As areas get toasted, turn them over. I just use the stems to turn them around, but you can use tongs or a spatula.

I wouldn't recommend using a fork to turn them because it let's out all the juices!

You can move them around anyway you need to make sure it get's well toasted. Trust me. These are not burned.

This is what they looked like when they were all done.

Then I let them set awhile to cool down.  Now, I could have frozen them just as they were. I would have then defrosted and peeled them as needed. However, I chose to peal them before freezing. I also removed the seeds. In case you didn't know, the seeds are what makes a pepper really hot, so if you don't want things too hot, leave out the seeds.  Here is what they looked like when peeled.

You can see that regardless of how "burned" they may have looked when I finished toasting them, the pepper were just fine!
WARNING: Most people today suggest wearing gloves or plastic bags over your hands when you are peeling.  
I didn't because, well, I was just taught to do it with my bare hands. My finger tips were a little tingly afterwards for awhile, but not a big deal.

So there you have it! That's how to toast peppers! It works the same for all kinds of peppers regardless of how you pronounce them! ;-)


Don't forget my review and giveaway of A Well Planned Day Software subscription! It's not to late to enter.


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She hasn't cried--My daughter dealing with the death of her grandfather

Mija in her dress for the funeral

Last week on Monday afternoon, my step-father died. He was mija's only living grandfather and now he's gone. She actually was with us as we rushed to the hospital after being told he had stopped breathing, and witnessed my sister collapsing and sobbing in my arms as she told me he had died.
We explained to her that Papa was in heaven with Jesus now. His body is still here and will one day be raised, but what's most important is that the real him was in heaven.  She's heard this before since we've dealt with a few deaths but, of course, none this close to her. She didn't cry.


The next day, she had asked me why abuelita (grandma) had wanted to wear colorful clothing while one of her aunts insisted on black. I explained that was the two sides of death for a Christian. Abuelita wanted to focus on being happy that Papa was with Jesus and knowing that we would see him again. The other side of the death is a sadness that we don't get to see him now for awhile, so we'll miss him. It's the sad part that makes us wear dark colors. She didn't cry.


She also wanted to know about the kind of things I had to do with my mom and sisters at the funeral home. She's never been involved or aware of the "backstage" elements, so to speak. I explained how the casket goes in a vault which goes in the ground. I explained how the visitation and service was going to work. I explained how papa would buried in his Marine uniform (yes, it still fit from 1960) and have a color guard. She didn't cry.


On Wednesday, we worked on figuring out what clothes she was going to wear. Abuelita went with me to pick up a few things for her. I wanted her to be a little girl yet somewhat somber. I had a cute black tunic with white and pink dots with capris for the visitation. We picked up a cute dress that was also black with white and pink dots for the funeral. She liked everything when we got home. She helped me pick out the background and music for the video I made. She went to AWANA that evening. She didn't cry.


Thursday was visitation. I thought maybe seeing Papa's body in the casket might make it real for her. She came up with me and looked and was quickly ready to go play with her cousins. I did notice, however, whenever she walked past the casket, she would peek in. She had made a hand-print flower (still planning on blogging about making it) for Papa on Monday and since he passed before she could give it to him, we put it in the casket. She found out that some of her cousins were writing notes to put into the casket the next day. When we came home, she made it a priority to write a note and draw a picture of her and Papa. I will share it here just because I thought it was so precious, but please don't let her know that I shared it with you.

What is also so cute about it was how accurate she tried make the picture. Papa always had his hair "high and tight" and was mostly bald right on top. While he was tall, however, he didn't wear high-waters! She still didn't cry.


Friday was the funeral. We got dressed and I threatened reminded her several times about being solemn during the funeral. She's used to sitting through church, so it wasn't a foreign concept, but there's a different attitude during a funeral than during a regular church service. She was there while we watched them close the lid to the casket and there when mom let out a gut-wrenching sob upon seeing the Marines salute the arrival of the hearse. Mija relished in the food and fellowship after the funeral. She didn't cry.


The next day we had a tea party where we discussed important things like the dogs, art, my sister's house being clean (unlike ours), and the pros and cons of possibly living in one relative's basement vs. another's garage now that my husband is unemployed for the second time in less than a year. I also asked her which was her "favorite" part of the funeral and which was the least "favorite." Mija's favorite was the pastor telling stories about Papa liking buses. Her least favorite was watching them close the coffin. She still didn't cry.


Me? Yes, I've cried numerous times and in numerous ways. My least favorite part was some individuals not understanding the importance and significance of the pastor taking the time to share the Gospel during the funeral. It makes me concerned. Oh, and for future reference, share all the stories you want about me during the visitation, but I want my funeral to be about celebration and salvation. Sorry if you think it's boring.  In fact, if you think sharing salvation is boring, you probably need to hear it the most!


Mija still hasn't cried.


Should I be concerned?

Ten Ways to Bring the Gospel Home This Christmas

Another great post from Desiring God.

Ten Ways to Bring the Gospel Home This Christmas

by Jonathan Parnell | December 21, 2011

Tis' the most wonderful time of the year . . . and it's a unique opportunity to give the good news of Jesus to your unbelieving family.

Randy Newman's book, Bringing the Gospel Home, is a resource meant to equip Christians in how to talk about the gospel in their closest relationships. Because of the book's relevance in this season, Crossway is currently offering a free download.

Christmas with Family Who Don't Know Jesus

David Mathis recently extracted some practical ideas from the book in connection to all the family gatherings accustomed to the holidays. Here are those ten points again, or in his words, "a few thoughts from a fellow bungler to help us think ahead and pray about how we might grow in being proxies for the gospel, in word and deed, among our families."

Read about the TEN WAYS HERE.

Sweet family portrait

Found this today on feeling stitchy.  I had to share because I loved it and thought it was a wonderful idea. It would be fairly easy to make even if you're a novice needleworker.  I think it's a meaningful way to show what we are about!

As the family goes, so goes the economy

As the family goes, so goes the economy
Posted By Jennie Chancey on May 30, 2011



From Mercatornet:

As we know, the family in western countries is not going very well. In its introduction the FRC report points out that people have a reduced capacity for the intimate social relationships that marriage demands.


Most American parents cannot stand each other enough to raise the children they have brought into existence. In 2008, only 45 percent of American seventeen-year-olds were in a family headed by their biological parents, leaving them weaker in their relational capacities than prior generations. The numbers are lowest among African-Americans, where only 17 percent of seventeen-year-olds have spent childhood in an intact family. Among Asian Americans the intact family is strongest, but even for them it is only 62 per cent.


Some people claim that family breakdown and the rise of cohabitation is nothing more than growing pains experienced as the family changes and becomes more diverse. Laws, social policy and the economy have to catch up with the evolution of the family, they say.


In sharp contention with that view is the title of the report: “Marriage and Economic Well-Being: The Economy of the Family Rises or Falls with Marriage”. Authors Patrick F Fagan, Andrew J Kidd and Henry Potrykus have analysed federal data and academic studies and demonstrate their case convincingly: the family based on a lasting marriage (the “intact married family”) outperforms other sexual partnering structures — by a mile.


Read the full piece HERE.



Family Traditions by Voddie Baucham

Tradition: The delivery of opinions, doctrines, practices, rites and customs from father to son, or from ancestors to posterity; the transmission of any opinions or practice from forefathers to descendants by oral communication, without written memorials.
-Webster's 1828 English Dictionary

The word 'tradition' has fallen on hard times in our culture. The word is seen by most as inherently negative. While none of us wants to make the Word of God void by our own traditions (Matt 15:2-3,6; cf. Mark 7:3,5,8-9), we should not abandon traditions altogether. In fact, it is often unwise to forsake tradition (2Th 2:15; 3:6).

Our family has been blessed by numerous traditions that we hope to continue for generations to come. Some of these are daily traditions, others are weekly and still others are what we call "sometime-during-the-year" traditions. I'd like to recommend a few of them to you.

Daily Traditions

The most challenging, and perhaps most important traditions for us to establish are the ones that occur daily. They are difficult because we have to make room for them every day. Similarly, they are influential because they happen every day. Two very important daily traditions are family meals and family worship.

Family Meals

One of the easiest traditions to establish is the family meal. It is alarming to discover how few families sit down regularly for meals. Many of us have no reference point since we also grew up in families that 'ate on the fly' while the television blared in the background. However, numerous studies have pointed to the benefits families derive from eating at least one meal together daily.
One of the factors that brought great unity to the first church was that "day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts" (Acts 2:46 ESV). If breaking bread together daily had a positive impact on the New Testament church, it will certainly have an impact on our families. Make time to establish the habit of eating at least one meal together daily.

Family Worship

While family meals are the easiest family tradition we can establish, family worship is the most influential. Family worship impacts fathers as they experience the accountability of having to prepared to lead their family daily. It impacts wives as they experience the "washing of water with the word" (Ephesians 5:26). It influences children as they are reminded daily of the centrality of Jesus Christ in family life. It also has a tremendous impact on their familiarity with God's word and great songs of the faith.

Family worship does not have to be complicated. You and your family can simply read a portion of Scripture, pray and sing a song together. Something that simple can and will have a lasting impact on your family. Make time to establish the habit of daily family worship in your home, and remember, those that honor him, he will honor (1 Samuel 2:30)

Weekly Traditions

Family worship and daily meals will go a long way toward transforming your family for generations to come. However, there are also weekly activities that will have lasting benefits.

Church Attendance

In some ways church attendance is the easiest weekly family tradition to establish. W. Bradford Wilcox notes that starting a family has a natural tendency to draw people (particularly men) to church. Unfortunately, this pattern of attendance is often irregular and/or short-lived. Surprisingly, this is sometimes true of homeschool families as well. I am constantly amazed by the number of homeschool parents who tell me, "We just haven't found a church," or "We've been 'churching at home' for a while now."

While I have nothing against believers gathering in a house (that's how our church started), there is something wrong when we intentionally 'forsake the assembly' (Hebrews 10:25) because our family cannot 'play and get along well with others'. If there is not a 'Bible believing' New Testament church in your area, get together with some other starving saints and start one!

Family Meeting

One of the most important things we have instituted recently is a weekly family meeting. This is a time when we gather together to pray, praise and dream together. We have a set of family goals, which we are striving to achieve. Our weekly meeting is a time to reflect on these goals, evaluate our progress and set new ones for the week ahead. I would encourage you to set aside an hour a week to step back and take a look at where your family is headed and what you need to do to get there.

"Sometime During the Year" Traditions

I have a very interesting life. I have the privilege of serving as a pastor, a writer, an itinerant preacher, a homeschool dad and a part-time professor. My schedule is never normal. Therefore, I can completely identify with those people who have a hard time doing things on an 'annual' basis. Nevertheless, there are some things that we simply must get done 'sometime during the year' no matter what. The most basic -and essential-of these are family vacation and a mom & dad getaway.

Family Vacation

Family vacation is one of those areas where the old adage is very true: "Failing to plan is planning to fail." I know it is difficult for many homeschool families to take a vacation. We have larger families, and most of us have single income households. This can present a challenge. However, you don't have to spend a lot of money to pile everyone in the car and visit friends or family for a week. Get out your calendar at the beginning of the year and plan a family vacation. Start a special savings account and put money in it each month. Discuss your plans and progress at family meeting. Then, when the time comes, leave everything behind and enjoy some time together -without school!

Mom & Dad Getaway

One of Bible's first statements about marriage left no room for doubt about its primacy. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 ESV). With these words the marriage relationship is given primacy over the parent/child relationship. This is true not only of a married couple leaving their respective homes, but also in respect to any children with which they are blessed. Mom and Dad come first!

One way to reinforce this truth is to establish a regular tradition of Mom & Dad getaways. This can be an overnight getaway at a local hotel, or a multi-day trip to an exotic location. Whatever it is; just do it. Say to your spouse, and to your children, "Mom & Dad need time for themselves." You'll be amazed how excited your children will be. Let them in on the planning; they'll love it. They need to realize how important your marriage is. After all, God has given them your marriage as a principle source of security.

Family traditions don't have to be elaborate, but they do have to be consistent. Decide what kind of legacy you want to leave for your children, then plan daily, weekly and 'sometime during the year' activities that will reinforce the truths and traditions. Then sit back and watch your children do the same with their children.