Old Dog, New Trick

We went to the Teach Them Diligently conference in NW Arkansas over the weekend. It's been several many years since we attended one, so we really needed it as we are heading into teens this year and high school in a year and a half.

That was all good and well, but God actually wanted us there for parenting. 

Isn't it interesting that when we are looking for something to change a person or situation, it's often us God wants to change?

So, it was an encouraging, informative, convicting and entertaining weekend. Yes, things can be convicting and entertaining at the same time...at least in my book.

So, hubby and I came back having repented and realizing we needed to make some changes. We were good.

...but then something happens and you've got to put the new pedal to the old metal.  

It's all great when it's fresh and theoretical, but then when your child actually needs some issues majorly addressed, it's actual work!

It would be easy to fall into routine, but we haven't (so far, thankfully).  We decided to think and pray before we address it instead of just coming down on her which is what we often did. 

I'm also choosing not to deal with it in fear of her response or what others will think, but instead, in faith that God has promised a great plan for mija and this is just one of the lessons/bumps that will lead her into her future purpose (and her current purpose for that matter!).

So pray for us as we consider how to handle this new issue now that we have to be responsible for the new lessons God has taught us!

Thoughtful Thursday--UGH! My daughter is growing up!!

This is basically a cathartic piece with some hope of encouraging comments from those of you who are going through or have gone through this before.

My daughter is getting older and I'm not sure if I like it (or ready for it, for that matter!). I will present the evidence.

First, she's starting to smell. I remember being a classroom teacher and having those fourth, fifth, or sixth graders come back from recess. Ooowee. Smelly little bodies.
Well, that is starting to be mija. Sometimes she will come up and throw herself around me in a hug and there it is. A big whiff of BO.

Being me and always trying to keep her prepared for the upcoming changes in her body, I mentioned that deodorant will be in her future.
Well, that future was Sunday morning! She asked to put on deodorant before church. {sigh}

Second, she's having dreams about boys. I woke her up the other day and she said, "I want to finish my dream." Well, turns out the dream was about "Jack", a character on a TV show she watches. Well, at least he is a nice looking kid, so she's got some taste, but really? Dreaming about a boy?

Third, she keeps looking for a reason to wear a beginner bra. Her cousin passes on clothes to mija and the last batch contained some beginner bras. Now to tell you the truth, I know they are coming. I had the occasion to rub some essential oils on her chest and I could feel a different texture in the chest area, but definitely nothing "developing" as it were. She's diligent in looking however.

You know I go harness free as much as possible, so putting a bra on her is going to wait as long as possible.

Fourth, she wants to start her period. You read that right. Even after living her whole life with a mom with "lady issues" she wants to start. I can't remember what had proceeded the comment, but last week she sat in the middle of the floor and said, "I wish I would start my period, so I could be a woman." This statement was accentuated by a flourish of curvy arm movements demonstrating a woman's shape. Really?

I'm thankful that she understands what a period is and is not afraid of it. HOWEVER, I had to comment that while a period might mean you body was turning into a woman, the heart and mind had to develop a lot more before you could become a godly woman.

Do you see what I mean? This is crazy stuff. And I haven't even mentioned the attitude!

Here, I'm posting some pictures back when she was young and innocent.


 
There, I feel better now.

Any advice or consolation you can leave, would be wonderful!

Friday Funny--Who's your favorite?

This father is determined to get a certain answer. (Warning: there are a couple of mild swear words.)

Three Things the Father Never Says to Me

This was a convicting article since I think I probably said these three things in the last 60 minutes alone!

This summer our generous church family made it possible for me to take a three-month sabbatical. It was an amazing time that allowed me to spend more time with my family than usual. Together with our four children (ages 7-14), my wife and I did a three-week road trip to southern California, went camping, and kicked around our city. We played games and rode bikes and threw the football. I loved it, and am still thanking God regularly.

Not surprisingly, though, the increased time with my kids led me to experience more frustration (read, selfish anger) than usual, too. At times, I found myself looking forward to getting back to the normal routine where helping mediate adult conflicts can sometimes seem easy compared to keeping the peace in my home.

Though I have a great earthly dad, my heavenly Father has been my best example when it comes to loving and training my children well. So, amidst my frustration, the Spirit called my attention to a few specific things that I was saying to my children, phrases that the Father never says to me as His beloved child.

READ THE REST HERE!

Inspired--Shaping Parents

Like Mother Like Daughter

I like to tease my friends when their children do something strange/funny with the phrase, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

What's interesting is when there are similarities between mother and adopted daughter.

I love these pictures I did in her baby scrapbook.

I was a little older than she was in the picture but I love the similarities!

Or this one:

This one is really funny because when mija and hubby were looking through the book, they thought both pictures were her!

I'm the one on the top.
(There are more, but I do not want to provide photos that could be used in blackmailing me!)

"Like Mother Like Daughter" has continued.

I secretly giggle when she lets us know what "the point is" because the point is I use that phrase more than I would like to admit!

Herbal tea. We both really enjoy a nice cup of warm, herbal tea. It was really funny when she asked for herbal tea for her birthday and Christmas when she was four!

But not all the ways of similarities are cute or positive. 


She often sighs from frustration. Yea, I do that. 

Stomping when angry or interrupted. We both do that. 
(sigh) 
Oops, there is that sigh of frustration again!

Then I am confronted with verses like Proverbs 1:8-9 which reads "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck."

Am I making sure that what she learns from me will beneficial for her later?
Convicting, huh?

As my daughter continues to grow, will people see her character and say, "Like mother like daughter?"
Will they see her spiritual walk and comment that "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?"

Praying that it will be so!

You Can't Make Me...Strategies for your Strong-Willed Child

Cynthia Ulrich Tobias

I have heard great things about Cynthia Tobias when it comes to her books on learning styles. While I have not read one of them, I knew I had to jump at the chance to read one of her books when I had it.

The first thing I learned from reading You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded): Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child is that my child is not as strong-willed as she could be! (Whew!)

The second thing I learned is that the strategies she 
suggests in dealing with a SWC (strong-willed child), are things that can be helpful in dealing with any child.

I think the one that has encouraged me the most is "Ask more questions; issue fewer orders." It does not mean not to have expectations or requirements. It does mean think about how you phrase them.

There's a big difference between:
"You still haven't emptied the dishwasher!" 
and
"Have you emptied the dishwasher yet?"

Tobias mentions that it is an attitude that assumes the best which, of course, makes me think of I Corinthians 13 and the characteristics of love.

She delves not only into dealing with a SWC now but also how to help them in school, as they grow into a teen and young adult, how to nurture your relationship with them, and how to attempt to restore a relationship if already lost.

I really appreciate the focus at the end of the book on God and His role in the family and parenting. She's also honestly states that strategies have an expiration date. Certain ones may work for a while but then you have to change things up. 

Cynthia Tobias' book is a help, but as she point out, the final answer is in Him.

You can read a sneak peak HERE to see what I mean!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Check out my "UGH" piece

I wrote "More Than an Inconvenience" for Eternal Encouragement, but also got to share it on my friend's blog Biblical Counseling for Women.

I was really humbled and honored that not only Lorrie Flem posted the piece, but that my friend, Julie Ganschow of Reigning Grace Counseling Center also asked to post it.

Go check it out at...

Watching my Daughter's Spiritual Journey

I mentioned earlier this year about some evidence of mija's spiritual growth.

Well, her journey goes on.

Back in the previous post, she was thinking about baptism. Well, she took active steps to pursue it. She told our pastor she wanted to get baptized. She met with our pastor to discuss it. She wrote her testimony and turned it in.

And last night, she got baptized.



Here's one proud and God praising momma!

S*x in the Sanctuary

We attend a family-integrated church. That means our children attend the service with us. There is no children's church or activities during the service. The whole family attends and has the same worship and the same sermon.

Our pastor is an expository teacher. He teaches straight through passages of Scripture instead of topics. Which means whatever the next portion of Scripture is talking about, that is what pastor will preach on.

That's why you know it's only a matter of time before you get s*x in the sanctuary.

I've actually seen it happen right in front of me. Pastor mentions the subject in the course of preaching. 

First, the child looks to mom and whispers, "What is s*x?" 
Mom says, "Huh?"
The child asks again.
Mom: "Ask your father."
The child asks the father.
Dad: "Huh?"
The child asks again.
Dad: whisper whisper whisper
Child: "Huh?"
Dad: "We'll talk about it later."

Me sitting behind them: Trying not to laugh out loud.

I should have known my turn was coming.

This past Sunday Pastor was in Luke 16...the "can't serve God and money" passage. He made a valid point that historically, two of the ways you can tell the difference between believers and the society/culture in which they live is how they use their money and how they practice sexual purity.

Thankfully, my s*x question waited until we got home.

We were watching an episode of Nature about hummingbirds. (Did you know they ate bugs?) 

Mija: "What is s*x?"
Me: "Huh?"
Mija: "What is s*x?"
Me: (quick prayer) "Remember I mentioned that there was a special way God made for a husband and wife to be together? That can be called s*x."
Mija: "Oh, okay."

That was it.

But it gave me a few things about which to be thankful:

• I'm thankful that she feels she can come to me with questions.
• I'm thankful that we have slowly laid a foundation of God's design for our bodies and our marriage. It's not just a big, surprise talk that will happen, but bits of everyday life built on each other.
• I'm thankful that we attend a church that reinforces what we are teaching at home.
• I'm thankful that she hears about it in church instead of the playground.

So, there you have it. S*x in the sanctuary, which is one of the places it should be!

     

More than an Inconvenience and I'm Not a Perfect Mom

I was a guest blogger on Lorrie Flem's blog today. Her blog is Randy's Rib.

My article is More Than an Inconvenience. 

I also had an article on May 15 entitled I'm Not a Perfect Mom (and I'm glad about it)

Please check them out!

Homeschool Dads Beware

Most of us are home educating moms, but this is a growing group of home educating dads. They may be the primary teacher or a very involved father.

As much as we deal with the public questions and concerns about homeschooling in general, dads can face it even more so.

We were recently talking to a friend who schools his 3 daughters while his wife works. He's usually the odd man out at homeschool activities because, well, he's the man!
There are the awkward situations he has to deal with as well like public restrooms, swimming, etc., and there are the dangerous situations like just being out in public alone with his daughters.

Dangerous because people are being trained to question men alone with children.

Here's an example.

That's right. Surely there is something to be suspicious about a man being with a little girl. 

Think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill? Let me tell you a story.

About four years ago, my hubby took my then 4 year old to the mall to shop for a present for me. She threw a MAJOR TANTRUM in the middle of the mall because she couldn't ride the merry-go-round. 

Like any good parent after deducing that this was not going to be a quick fix, my husband picked her up and started for the car to bring her home.

On the way back to the car, he was stopped twice by "civilians" questioning whether mija was actually his daughter. 
Then the mall cop on the Segway (yes, really) came up and began to question him. It didn't stop there. He literally followed my hubby and a still screaming mija out to our van. The mall cop looked into our van to verify it had a booster seat and copied down the license plate number and the info from my hubby's driver's license.

He truly expected the police or CPS to be at the house when he got home.

This was a really hard place to be. I was so thankful that there really were people who would step up to protect a child in case of abduction. The mall cop also did a good job even making sure to document the situation.

On the other hand, my husband was trying to be a good parent and was suspected because of it.

Would it have happened if I, the mom, had been the person dragging a screaming child out of the mall.

I doubt it.

Can you see the tantrum building?

The same year, mija had another MAJOR MELTDOWN when we attending a Tea Party rally. Leaving hubby behind to pick up all of our stuff, I carried a flailing, screaming child several blocks along a busy, active, boulevard. People were ever where.

Was I stopped or questioned? No.

Why? I think mostly because I was a female. 
Maybe secondary reason was because we were in a group of somewhat like-minded people. 
But mostly because I was female.

So, let's keep our men in prayer. This is just one more way they are being attacked.

A Review: Cleaning House---more than just a housekeeping book

I overlooked Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement until I read that subtitle. Youth Entitlement. That was a subject I thought had merit.

In her book, Kay Wills Wyma shares her real-life "experiment" in helping her children overcome some of the entitlement issues that are facing most of our youth today.

I appreciate her honesty! She doesn't have it all together and neither does her children. I can learn from a real person. 

Each month she undertook a new chore or responsibility for her children. She shares stories about how the new aspect of the experiment went. She ends each chapter telling not only what her children learned that month but also what she learned that month.

She writes with humor which makes a book with some pretty deep thoughts a fun and easy read. In addition to giving her ideas, she provides ideas from her "Ironing Board" who are a group of her friends and mentors.

I highly recommend this book. 

When I first started reading, I was a little concerned about what seemed a lack of God in the content, but was pleased to see as the experiment continued, she could see and share more of God's work through it all.

Convicting and comic.
Encouraging and entertaining.
Realistic and rallying.
Honesty and humor.

Find Kay on her blog or on Facebook.


I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review

Family Integrated Church—Training Children to Sit Still

She was 4 years old here.

When mija was about 3 years old, the Lord brought us to a family integrated church. We hadn't purposely sought one out. We just found a great preaching church and stayed there. We knew the kids stayed in service, but we thought it was more because of space limitations than a purposeful philosophy.

Well, then mija turned 4 years old and that is the point of no return. No more nursery. You are in the service now. For those who had been around, many had started training their children early sometimes not even using the nursery.

We on the other hand, were not prepared and boy was it work!!

I wish I had found Lorrie Flem’s e-book Training Children toSit Still back then. It assures me that yes, it is work, but would have given more ideas on how to make it work!

What was also a blessing to me was her story about why they started having their children in service. It wasn't for a religious reason either, but now, she can see a Biblical reason for doing so.

She starts with babies, moves into talking about toddlers, and then mentions a few ideas for keeping older children on task. I think she's right on because I see a lot of the moms in our church applying similar principles.

So, if you would like some help with the hows and learn so whys of Training Children to Sit Still I recommend checking out Lorrie Flem's e-book.

I was given a free copy of the e-book in exchange for my honest review.

I'm glad I didn't freak out...what would you have done?

I didn't freak out.

Last night, mija started a VERY interesting discussion that I could have easily overreacted to. 

She started asking questions like:
"So, how do you know God really exists?"
"How can God be alive forever?"
"How do you know the Bible is true?"

I KNOW!! I'm thinking, "Oh, no! My daughter is only 8 years old and she's already questioning her faith!"

Some of the answers included:
"Because the Bible says so."
"That is why it is called "faith". If we understood or knew for sure, we wouldn't have to believe."
"Daddy and I tell you what the Bible says, but that doesn't mean WE understand it either. You don't have to understand to believe."
"The fact that God is eternal and knows everything just goes to show us how BIG God is and how little we are."

So here are my thoughts.

• Props to my hubby and me for not going off half-cocked and saying things like "Because we told you so" or "How in the world could you ask that!"
• Thankful that mija felt that she could openly discuss her questions with us. I pray it stays that way about Biblical things as well as other things.
• These things means she's been thinking about her faith. She's not just taking things at face value, but evaluating them. She's making sure she knows what she believes and why.

What do you think? Do you think my thoughts are right or am I missing the mark?

Helping Hands at Home--EE Kindle Book

This month for Gabby Moms, I was able to review Mrs. Lorrie Flem's newest Kindle book Helping Hands at Home. 

Before you turn off because I wrote the word "Kindle," I just wanted to remind you that you do not have to have a Kindle to read a Kindle book. I have the Kindle app on my phone and have downloaded the Kindle app on my laptop. The apps are free. Just go to Free Kindle Reading Apps.

Now, back to the book!

Like usual, Lorrie's practicality shines through as she takes us step-by-step. I need this for ME.

I was raised by my grandparents. While they loved me   fully, they were perfectionists which meant that I couldn't do things correctly. 


I couldn't put the groceries in the grocery cart (or buggy for those of you in the South) because I wouldn't put them in the right place. 

I could only clean the hubcaps on the car because I might smudge the car.

I wasn't expected to clean the bathroom or the kitchen because I wouldn't do it right, and my grandmother would just have to do it again. At least that was what I was told. 

It made life much harder for me as a teen. My grandparents became ill, and I was expected to take over the household duties that I was never taught to do. It's remained a challenge to me to this day. 

All this left me determined not to have mija be in the same shape. She's expected to help around the house and even do certain things by herself. 

But there has been a challenge. Because I was never taught to do things, I haven't ever really considered how to TEACH mija how to clean things. I just expected her to pick things up as we went along. 

That is where Lorrie's book Helping Hands at Home has come in handy. It showed me step-by-step how to teach her to clean the bathroom and the kitchen.

It is definitely a work in progress for both her and me, but it's nice to have something as simple as this Kindle book to go back to. I really appreciate the process Lorrie teaches to take a chore from them watching you do it to you checking on their final work.

Right now, the Kindle book is only $0.99! You can't bet that.

Speaking of a great deal, Eternal Encouragement magazine has not only gone digital, it's FREE!! Just go HERE to sign up for your free digital subscription.

I received a free copy of the book in exchange for my honest review.

Friday Funny--Stuff Christian Moms Say

Blame it on Little House on the Prairie--HEF Blog

It's my day to post over had Home Educating Family. No one guessed what it was about from the title yesterday. Check it out here.

Secure Daughters Confident Sons

Although it's taken me awhile to get this book read and reviewed, I'm glad to say I'm getting it done in 2012!

I was excited to be able to review this book. I stand firmly on the fact that God made men and women different, and this book deals with that issue in dealing with our children. With a title like Secure Daughters, Confident Sons: How Parents Guide Their Children into Authentic Masculinity and Femininity, I definitely hit the nail on the head. I appreciated how it suggested not only that it can be, but that I as a parent can be a part of encouraging the process along.


The author, Glenn T. Stanton, is the director for family formation studies at Focus on the Family. Just like Focus on the Family, it takes what the Bible says is true, but then adds psychology and culture to support it. For me, that happens a little to much. I tend to follow a more nouthetic approach, so I would like more Scripture and less studies in the book. This is especially true later in the book where you can read page after page with no reference to God, the Bible, or Christianity.

I'm not saying the book is wrong. I just wished he had proved his point with the Word more instead of Cat Stevens, Karate Kid, and quotes from college studies.

I think the book is spot on about what makes male and female and what each needs to grow up to be a Biblical man or woman of God.  I really like how Stanton make the point that a girl is capable NOT because of feminist propaganda but in rejection of it. Feminism teaches woman is a victim which is not how God made her.

All in all, I think it was a good book but not a great book. If you were wanting to build your Biblical basis for your beliefs and understanding of masculinity and femininity, pass on the book. If on the other hand, you want a book that gives cultural and psychological support on what the Bible teaches on masculinity and femininity, this is the book for you!


I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

“He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future!”

Great article from Ken Ham/AIG about the importance of teaching our children the truth.

Letter from Ken, November 2012 - Answers in Genesis
Do you know who said this?

This sounds like something a modern-day atheist might say. You see, the line reminds me of the time 285 atheists visited our Creation Museum in 2009! One of them later wrote, “For me, the most frightening part was the children’s section. It was at this moment that I learned the deepest lesson of my visit to the Museum.”

He went on to say, “It is in the minds and hearts of our children that the battle will be fought!”

Now, who wrote, “He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future”? It was Adolf Hitler! And remember, he was able to capture the culture!

Secular humanists in America totally grasp the concept that if they are able to “own the youth,” they will “gain the future.” Because of secular influences that press on our societies, God, through His Word, has instructed parents over and over again to train their children (e.g., Deuteronomy 6:7).

Continue reading as Ken Ham addresses the issues of standing our ground and rescuing our children.